


My 6ig Fat Misera6le Wedding

by Scripturience



Series: Weddingstuck [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Humanstuck, M/M, Marriage, Tumblr Ask Box Fic, Wedding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-28
Updated: 2014-05-28
Packaged: 2018-01-26 23:12:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1705997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scripturience/pseuds/Scripturience
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kankri Vantas had never really thought about getting married before. Well, if he ever did, he sure as hell wouldn't have wanted it to go like <em>this</em>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My 6ig Fat Misera6le Wedding

**Author's Note:**

> Sweet-rabbit sent in:"If you're still taking prompts of the cronkri variety, I shall toss out "WEDDING~!" because they are so beautifully chaotic. <3"

Cronus was practically shaking as Horuss straightened out his tux for him. The ceremony was going to begin in mere moments, and while he thought he’d been doing a pretty solid job keeping calm, now his panic was setting in at the last literal minute.

“Fuck I’m nervous….” He trailed off, pulling at (and effectively messing up) the color of the suit.

“A bit late for that, bro.” Rufioh quipped unhelpfully from a chair next to the standing mirror. “Just relax, man. Everything’s gonna be fine.”

Easy for him to say.

“It would be best,” Horuss said, stepping in front of the nervous groom to fix his front “If you could at least keep your hands off of yourself.”

“..Sorry boss,” he moved to run a hand through his hair, which was quickly smacked away by man in front of him. Oh right, he couldn’t touch that either. There wasn’t an inch of him that hadn’t been dressed up in some way or another, and that only seemed to make his restlessness even worse.

“Deep breaths.” Horuss instructed, adjusting his bowtie. “You’ll be alright.”

“I sure hope you’re right, Zahhak.” Cronus sighed.

“Good luck,” Rufioh walked over to him from the chair and gave a reassuring pat on the back, before stepping out of the dressing room.

Well, he’d sure need it.

* * *

 “Just a little while longer, Kanny,” Porrim told him as she continued putting together his wedding ensemble. She had said that several times already. And while he was long sick of the getup already, he was also dreading when the time would actually come. If it meant not having to walk out of the dressing room, he’d gladly stand up on the pedestal in the dress forever.

Okay, maybe not really.

Kankri was grateful that Porrim had decided to save the shoes for last. He had been on his feet nearly motionless for what felt like hours by now, as she worked on piecing together the intricate outfit that was his wedding dress. And after she was finally done, he would get to do walking. And then more standing.  He was beginning to question why anyone would look forward to this kind of thing.

Doing all of that standing still gave Kankri plenty of time to think. A lot of it was about how he hated this dress and was never going to forgive Porrim for forcing him into it. But most of his time was spent thinking about how nervous he actually was. Which, of course, only made him more nervous.

Pondering over how difficult it would be for him to outrun his best friend while clad in an elaborate wedding gown, was probably not a good sign.

Regardless, Kankri stayed put. He had gotten himself into this mess, so he wasn’t going to back out now. He was going to see this nightmare through to the end, whether he wanted to or not.

And he really didn’t want to.

It wasn’t that he was opposed to the idea of marrying Cronus. He wouldn’t have said yes otherwise. It was more so the wedding itself he was against.

Kankri knew the Amporas were well off. Cronus made that no secret with his frivolous and expensive gift buying habits. But the sheer cost of this entire wedding was going to make his head spin.

They reserved the most glamorous wedding venue Kankri had ever seen. Granted, it was the only one he had ever seen. Still, it was something. A beautiful cathedral, complete with elaborate stained glass windows and pews that looked more like luxurious seating than benches. The placed seemed more like a chateau than a church. And of course, it had to be by the sea, to top it all off.

Not only that, they were paying for literally everything. The dress, the plane tickets out here, the catering, and anything else he could think of, the Ampora family effortlessly footed the bill for all of it. Kankri wasn’t sure if he was more embarrassed of his family’s inability to financially match up to them, or the absolutely ridiculous lengths they went to with this ceremony.

Before he knew it, Kankri was trapped. As soon as Cronus broke the news to his relatives, they took control of all the planning. By the time Kankri even got a word of this, everything had already been decided and paid for. It hardly even felt like his wedding.

The only thing he did get a say in was his own attire, and Porrim took the honors of stealing that right for herself. 

Frankly, he felt like he was being held hostage or something. Still, it was too late. They fronted the money, and now they wanted something to show for it. Which meant Kankri had to deliver.

But regardless of how cheated out of his own wedding he felt, the only thing that got Kankri through it was knowing that he’d come out of it married to the man he loved. And despite the grand spectacle his soon to be in-laws were making of this, that was all he really wanted.

“Alright,” Porrim said after smoothing out his gown “We should probably get out there.”

“Do I have to…?” Kankri said pleadingly from behind the veil.

“Yes. You do.” Porrim smirked, walking over to fetch his shoes before setting them down near his feet. Raising them up one at a time, she helped guide his already aching feet into each one.

Stepping back, she offered Kankri her hand, helping him down from the raised platform he’d been standing on.

“You remember where to go, right?” She asked him.

“Of course!” Kankri answered, aggravated at the question “What kind of question is that? We rehearsed three times!”

“Easy,” she raised her hands defensively “Just making sure. Pre wedding jitters have done worse things to people.”

Placing her hands on his shoulders, Porrim looked at her friend through his wedding veil. “You look amazing, Kanny. Good luck,” She said reassuringly.

With that, Porrim turned to leave, walking out of the bridal dressing room. Kankri swallowed thickly as he watched her go.

“I’m gonna need it…” he muttered to himself.

* * *

 

By the time he left the dressing room to meet his father outside the chapel, Kankri felt like his legs were going to give out underneath him. He wasn’t sure if it was how long he had been standing, the uncomfortable and impractical shoes, his nerves, or some awful combination of the three.

Mr. Vantas stepped up to greet his son, smiling at him warmly.

“Well, I never thought the day would come that I’d see my boy in a wedding dress.” His father said jokingly.

Kankri gave him the best glare he could muster through a wedding veil.

After laughing at his expense, his dad took his right arm. “You look stunning, Kankri.” He said, seriously this time.

Well, it could have been worse. He was grateful that his father was less upset than he was about Kankri being forced into the role of a “bride” for the ceremony. It made him wonder what Cronus’s family thought of him. Especially considering he had never met most of them before.

Before Kankri could form a reply, he was cut off by the sound of the organ starting to play. The tell-tale classic wedding song signaled his time to step out into the open. The mere thought of doing this made his heart sink.

He made a face, however, upon hearing the priest call out in an authoritative voice for “All to rise for the bride.”

“That’s our cue,” his father told him, nodding towards the entryway.

While he was extremely unhappy with this dubbing of himself, he also, unfortunately, had no time to protest it.

With a deep breath, Kankri did his best to compose himself, before they took their steps towards the grand chapel doors.

* * *

 

Cronus rocked on the balls of his feet nervously, his eyes shifting across the room. Not only was he under the scrutiny of his own extended family, who he was not particularly fond of, now he was also being judged by Kankri’s. He had only met his father and younger brother before. As he looked into the pews, he saw a sea of unfamiliar faces staring back at him.

However, upon the priest commanding “All rise for the bride,” they were instantly forgotten. Cronus immediately straightened his posture, and turned to face the entrance. The large doors to the chapel were pulled open by men from the inside, revealing Kankri Vantas and his father.

Cronus’s jaw nearly hit the floor. His eyes widened as he beheld his groom in full attire for the first time. If anyone had asked him what he expected from this, the literal last thing Cronus thought he’d _ever_ see, was Kankri in a dress.

Not that he was complaining.

Cronus did his best to save face, as Kankri and Mr. Vantas proceeded down the aisle. Even behind the veil, the Cancer didn’t look the least bit nervous. His face was stern and serious, as if he was determined not to let anyone see him panic. Of course, anyone who actually knew him could tell that it meant he was more nervous than anyone else there. How could he not be? All eyes were on him, as he worked to impress a crowd of stuck up aristocrats that he’d never even spoken to before.

After what felt like the longest walk of his entire life, Kankri was deposited by his father in front of the altar. After they turned to face the officiator, he gave Cronus a sideways glance.  Now that he wasn’t facing the on looking crowd, his face was much less composed. His partner gave him his best reassuring smile, despite being just as anxious as he was.

As the audience took their seats behind them, the officiating of the ceremony began.

After some very brief and impersonal pre-written addresses courtesy of the Ampora family (Kankri had to resist rolling his eyes several times) and a benediction, they quickly moved on to the declaration of intent. Though Kankri expected these things to take much longer, he also wasn’t complaining. He wanted to get out of this church (and dress) as soon as possible.

Finally turning to face each other, the priest began the official vows. While Kankri would have actually liked to do personal vows in his own wedding, those, like every other sentimental aspect of the ceremony, were left out. Though now that they were actually standing up there, they were both grateful for it.

After the priest gave the traditional “repeat after me” followed by generic wedding vows, they each followed suit.

With a deep breath, Kankri went first. “I….” he paused briefly “Kankri, take you Cronus, to be my Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.”

After he was finished, he gave a quiet sigh of relief as the priest moved on to Cronus.

After reading off the same vows to him, Cronus repeated them as well, smiling warmly as he looked into Kankri’s eyes. “And I, Cronus, take you Kankri, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or  worse, for rich, for poor, in sickness or health, to love and cherish; from this day forward ‘til death do us part.”

With the repetition out of the way, they were going to move onto the grand event. Kankri could feel his heart pounding against his chest as the officiator turned to face him once again.

“Do you, Kankri Vantas,” he began, as Kankri moved to grab his designated ring “take Cronus Ampora, to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I….” Kankri said with a heavy swallow, doing his best to meet Cronus’s eyes “I do.” He finished the statement, carefully taking Cronus’s hand and sliding the ring onto his finger.

“And do you,” The man continued, moving over to Cronus “Cronus Ampora, take Kankri Vantas to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do.” He answered, not hesitating in the slightest. Which made Kankri feel a little inadequate, to be perfectly honest. He took hold of his partner’s hand, and placed the ring on his finger, completing the exchange.

“Then by the power vested in me, I pronounce you officially married. You may now kiss.”

With a wide grin, Cronus took a step forward. Kankri looked towards his lower left, however, when he felt a hand wrap around his waist, instead of falling on his shoulder. His eyes widened in horror when he quickly realized what his lover was intending to do.

“Cronus!” He said as quietly and threateningly as possible “Don’t you dar-“

His warning went unfinished, however, as Cronus Ampora proceeded to dramatically ballroom dip his husband, Kankri crying out in the process, before leaning in to kiss him passionately.

They had rehearsals. They practiced this exact kiss no less than three times without making a mistake even once.

The bouquet fell to the floor, just after the wedding photo was snapped. Both their families looked on, reactions divided between plain amusement and righteous anger.

Well, Kankri was certainly never going to live _that_ down.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all learned your lesson. Never give me the opportunity to put Kankri in a dress. Ever. 
> 
> Also this may or may not become a series. I have other stuff that I've been thinking about doing for it, so look out for that in the future.


End file.
